Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Teaching by example

This morning started out like most of our school mornings, hectic! Today I pressed the snooze button way too many times and was in a panic to get Justin ready for school. As I ran around like a maniac serving breakfast , yelling at him to hurry up and finish getting ready I realized his lunch box was no where to be found. Given this is his 2nd lunch box of the school year that has gone missing in less than 3 weeks, I flipped. I gave him a snarky, nagging speech, and went on and on about being responsible for your things the entire time he finished breakfast . I began rushing him even more and was NOT the nicest person about it  . I can still hear myself and when I think about it I sounded just like my mom did 20 years ago.

I grew up with a working mom who sometimes had to have 2 or 3 jobs to give me the life I had. She was often  sleep deprived , stressed, and overwhelmed with responsibilities she couldn't handle at times but managed to get everything done. As the only child I often got the wrath, especially when my father and her separated when I was 12. Mornings were always the worst. I have always been a terrible human being with alarm clocks and love my sleep. She was always yelling and screaming at me to get up and I have to say I wasn't the most obedient child and often lagged it in the mornings. My mom was/still isn't  a morning person and would become this crazy lunatic to get us out the door so she wouldn't be late for work. I would always get to school frazzled and upset and think to myself of all the ways I would do things different as a mother. One that I specifically remember was apologizing when needed. I knew my mother was going above and beyond for me to be in the best school and provide me with the best of everything. She loved me more than herself and having to do this parenting thing all on her own must have been exhausting . I often forgave her myself but the older I got the more it bugged me that even when she exploded ,for no reason other than stress,  she could never apologize to me.

When I went to pick up Justin from school ,after feeling terrible all day , I saw him holding up his lunch box in the air with a big old smile on his face when he saw my car.  My heart broke into a million pieces for even being that upset with him over something so materialistic as a lunch box. I told him we needed to talk and took the kids out for an afterschool doughnut date. I first and foremost told him how terribly sorry I was and asked for his forgiveness. I explained that most of that was due to my stress of him being late because I woke up late. I also explained to him that daddy works very hard for him to have all these things and that he needs to take better care of what we buy him.  He sat and told me it was ok and he understood. I kept thinking how I wish my mother and I had had these conversations at this young of an age. Maybe things could have been different with our relationship back then. My mother is my best friends now as an adult because she and I have learned to communicate and be open with each other.

I hope that my son knows that not only do I love him beyond measure but I respect him and KNOW when I am wrong as the adult. The older my kids get I learn the importance of showing them how to be the best person they can be by example. How can we ask them to do things when we cant show them how . Not everday can you be that perfect person but I hope everyday my children learn how to be a better person from it.

1 comment:

  1. This made me tear up because I have so been there as a mom & I love having communication with my kids!! It's weird how we grow up knowing the parent who we want to be and even with a few slips due to stess or the moment we stay true to that vision...our kids will look back and appreciate it if they don't already appreciate it now:)