Thursday, November 7, 2013

A mirror into the past

      Being a mother teaches you a lot. About how to care for others , how to be selfless. How to survive a day of teething and how to change a diaper in the dark so you don't have to wake up the baby. But more importantly it teaches you how to listen with your whole heart and give it all back. Lately, my oldest Justin, has began to teach me  more about myself than ever before. I see so many bits and pieces of myself it scares me.

        I had truly almost forgotten how argumentative I used to be. I mean like reallyyyy argumentative to the point where my mom just HAD to give in. Justin has such a determination of things and he quickly becomes passionate  about them.  I see that fire in his eye. Things go south when his goal becomes to have the newest Xbox after breaking his WII due to his own irresponsibility. Our arguments have become long and ugly debates that go back and forth.

       Its such a surreal feeling to be the authority against yourself from decades ago. That moment that everyone warns you about  when you sound exactly like your mother ,has really given me insights on how I want to parent him.  I have started to force myself to remember how I felt back then and what I wish my mom would of understood but couldn't.

      A mirror of my young self has been placed in front of me. Its my turn to take a long and painfully 
deep look into myself. As much as I feel I have changed and can brush all my old problems away ,I cant. Its my chance to figure out why I acted  and felt the way I did so I can help my little mini me a little more accurately.  It has become a blessing and a curse all at the same time to have him be  as complicated as me. Nobody really warns ya "hey not only are you gonna raise them but they will be your real life therapy". I feel like he is helping me in more ways than I will ever be able to return the thanks you's. I hate when I read those quotes about mothers not reaping the rewards of their hard work till their kids are older. The rewards are everywhere, EVERYDAY they are just so small and hard to see.  

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